Some people make you sit up straight and think about proper grammar, and how lovely it would be to have a cup of tea right about now.
Allow me to introduce Carson. He is just such a person, er, pig.
You know, it’s very important to have that friend who always knows how things should be done.
Should you put your feet on the coffee table?
Oh, goodness, no.
Should you wait until the hostess picks up her fork before you begin to eat?
Why, everyone knows the answer to that! Of course you should.
Should tea be poured into the cup before the milk, or after?
Should this even be a question??
Carson is a stickler for rules, a bastion of gentility, a wealth of knowledge, and a defender of the semi-colon; properly used. (Unlike in this instance).
He is predictably punctual and perfectly pressed.
But for all his stuffiness, Carson has a heart of gold. Yes, he might have the highest score in Jeopardy (“Porcines, for $500, Alex”), but he would gladly share his last crumpet and generously give the vest off his portly shoulders to anyone who needed it.
You can count on Carson’s calm voice of reason to help you see your way through difficulties, and you can be assured that there will always be a steaming cup of tea waiting for you on the other side, mostly likely on a lovely tray.